MSN's Three Events to Watch: What a Load of Crap!

So, according to msn, the three events "you should follow" in the upcoming Winter Olympics are Ice Hockey (Field Hockey being difficult when it's 10 degrees outside), Bobsledding, and Freestyle Aerial Skiing.

Before getting into the events one should REALLY be watching and why, I'll cover msn's supposedly valid reasons to follow these three specifically.

Bobsledding: With reigning World Champion Steven Holcomb coming back from an eye surgery that saved him from going all but completely blind, and Vonetta Williams attempting to repeat as the still only African American to ever win a Winter Olympic Gold medal, the sport has two inspiring stories.

Aerial Skiing: American Jeret "Speedy" Peterson attempts to find redemption for his disappointing seventh place finish at Turin.

Ice Hockey: It's Hockey. A large, worldwide, very competitive sport whose American roster could very well feature not a single returning Olympian, and has not had a repeat Olympic finalist since the NHL players started playing in 1998.

Now, I agree with Ice Hockey, and yes, the bobsledding story is moving, but Peterson is a jerk. After failing to land his signature move "the hurricane" back in Turin, he was asked to leave the games early, following a bar fight. And this is what he says about attempting his very difficult trick on his last try, when he had yet to land it in the competition: "Could you imagine if I had decided to step down to an easier trick, and I was only giving it 90 percent and I ended up in second? I couldn't live with that. I would definitely have to know that when I'm done, medal around my neck or not, that I gave everything I had. If everything clicks, I'd just beat everyone by a mile, and that's what I'm looking for."

What an arrogant prick! He lost four years ago, and then was asked to exit quietly to avoid embarrassment, and he still has the gall to say shit like that!

Here are my three picks for the three big events to watch, and my reason will be obvious: Ice Hockey, Freestyle Snowboarding, and Figure Skating (yes, Figure Skating). Here's why: these are the three winter events that gain the most attention outside of a connection to the Olympics. This causes a larger audience, more attendance at the live events, more competitors in the sports, and more pressure on the competitors themselves knowing how many people are watching them potentially fail, and how many other people could have potentially been there instead of them.

While Bobsledding and Speedskating and even Curling get a mention during Olympic seasons, in off-years, no one pays attention (unless you watch a lot of VS, and even they're not desperate enough to broadcast Curling on a regular basis).

So, suck it msn, screw "Speedy" Peterson, and go Shaun White!

10 Years of Stuff #8: Comedy Central's Political Satire

The Daily Show started in the mid 90s. The show's original host was a guy named Craig Kilborn who left the show to become host of CBS's The Late Late Show. How'd that work for you, Craig? Oh, right, you were replaced by the Scottish guy from The Drew Carey Show.

The Daily Show's new host starting in 1999 was John Stewart, but I'm still counting his rise to comedic brilliance as part of this decade because it took the decline of genuine, modern journalism for Stewart to truly find his show's niche as the one place where you're guaranteed to find out the various hypocrisies and contradictions at heart in our modern political system.

Stewart was voted "America's most trusted anchor" in a recent poll. He called it the result of "the fuck you vote," but there is good reason behind this. On no other show are you likely to find two people with differing opinions having a genuine debate and discussion about the issues, without all the screaming, ranting, and certainty of one's absolute rightness despite any and all facts to the contrary that seem to have conquered our so-called "legitimate" media. Even time constraints don't stop Stewart, on The Daily Show's website, you can find interviews/ debates that last as long as twenty minutes without a single break.

And they're still funny! That's part of what makes it all so great, the show's sincere search for truth in the media and politics is brilliantly balanced out by their mockery of anyone and everyone involved, making the show a one of a kind combination of joke and genuine news.

And then there's Stephen Colbert's The Colbert Report, bringing to life the maxim that the best way to do a satire is to take yourself completely seriously. Lampooning the modern media blowhards who get such high ratings by presenting their own opinions as fact; Stephen agrees with them, acts like them, and insults them all in one half-hour of over-the-top hilariousness. Hell, he's become such a celebrity himself, he's gotten the American people to help fund the US Speedskating team.

Is it sad that the best source for real, in-depth talks about modern politics is on Comedy Central? Maybe, but you can't sell a news show to most people now without some entertainment thrown in, so as along as The Daily Show and The Colbert Report keep up their high ratings, we'll keep getting at the contradictions and stupidity behind the people we trust to run our country.

10 Years of Stuff #7: Hi-Def Television

Who could have foreseen ten years ago, that we would be getting an image at home that often looks better than reality itself?

Full 1080 Hi-Def makes everything that much more awesome! The added depth of image and sharper colors make a beautiful woman's curves look (without getting too pervy) almost unbearably sexy. The superior sound quality makes concert footage sound as clear as ringing a bell beside one's own ear. And oh, Lord, sports are just amazing!

Before I'd even seen tennis in Hi-Def I was already hearing how a tennis court had never looked that big on TV. Now, having seen it for myself, I don't know how I could ever go back. You can actually see the depth and curve of shots in tennis; a soccer pitch looks simply massive, making the effective long balls seem impossible; and I distinctly remember when my sister and I were first blown away that we could make out the faces of the crowd behind home plate. We have reached the point where one might easily be getting a better view in one's home than if one were actually at the game.

As for films, everyone usually remarks how great modern films shot in digital look, (like Dark Knight or Wall-E) and they do look amazing, but its older films that have had the biggest impression on me. One of the first films I saw in HD was Dr. Strangelove, and I recall ignoring the story and the characters because I was staring slack-jawed at the depth of the hallway they were talking in. It looked so big! And you have not seen the car chase scene in Bullit until you've seen those car's-eye-view shots in lovely 1080. It even made me a little light-headed the first time, and that's just AWESOME!

They say the next innovation will be fully immersive 3-d in our homes, a la James Cameron's Avatar. Hopefully, by that point they'll have worked out a way for me to see 3-d, because if there's something I really can't wait to see in 3-d it's... well, you can guess.

10 Years of Stuff #6: A Shift in Gaming Culture

Two years ago, X-Play (the most successful show focused on video games in the U.S.) did a whole story about the rumored decline of P.C. gaming. They made the comment, which I already agreed with, that P.C. gaming wasn't "dead, it was different."

The difference is the massive, world-wide spread of casual, online gaming. The spread of computers (which keep getting better and faster) for business and personal use, combined with mobile phones that also keep increasing their speed and capabilities, have brought about the rise of flash games, which have turned the whole concept of "gaming" into something we all do when we should be working.

Even my sister, who's less of a techie than I am (you'll notice I still don't have any pictures on this blog), regularly plays a daily jigsaw puzzle online, got really into the flash game Flowerz (because she saw me playing it), and is now into some game where she shoots things with big eyes to make matching groups of three. Hell, she's even mentioned that she's considered getting a Wii, Nintendo's successful gaming system that clearly aims for the rising casual gamer market as well as the traditional gamer.

Many so-called traditional, hardcore gamers have had an issue with this spreading out of their world. As if its no longer cool if everyone else is doing it too. I, however, applaud the rising appeal of games. Flash games are quick, easy, cheap (often free) distractions one can just pick up, play briefly, and then put away and forget about while focusing on other things. They bring all the fun of other, longer games without requiring all the cost and time commitment. They offer enjoyable escapism minus cost or a huge devotion of one's free time.

The modern gaming world gives those of us who are broke, cheap, or just lack the inclination to spend money on gaming the opportunity to have just as much fun as you lucky bastards who have the money and time to spend blowing the hell out of everyone in Borderlands.

And there's nothing wrong with that.

10 Years of Stuff #5: The Cubs Still Didn't Win a World Series

WOW. Over a hundred years and still no World Series Championship.

That's so sad, it's funny.

Or it's so funny, it's sad, depends on whose side you're on.

BUT, the Chicago Cubs still have a larger and much more devoted fanbase than the Chicago White Sox.

WTF??!!

(PS, Thank you Milton Bradley.)

10 Years of Stuff #4: Kick Ass Cleaning Products

I used to think having hardwood floors would be such a pain. Sweeping wouldn't seem to get all the dust and dirt, so you'd have to stain the floors, and that would require moving furniture and blah, blah, etc., etc. Then, I discovered the Swiffer.

I'm pretty sure the Swiffer was actually invented in the last decade, but it was in this most recent decade when they spread the Swiffer empire out to dusters (since we were all already using the Swiffer cloths as dust cloths), the Wet Jet (if you really can see the dirt getting pushed around, it's been too damn long since you cleaned your floors!), and even the Swiffer Vac (now they're just messing with us).

Beyond the cleaning world of Swiffer, I've also found the various erasers to be incredibly effective (the Arm and Hammer ones are often most expensive and also the best), you just wet the things and you can scrape the dirt and stains off without having to really scrape or put up much physical effort at all. Oh, and now you can buy these Lysol or Clorox wipes that wreak of cleaning fluid, but, when you want a quick, easy clean-up of your kitchen or bathroom you cannot get better than these things.

In all, cleaning products have advanced much in this past decade by appealing to both the public's desire for cleanliness and our pathological laziness, as everything becomes more "germ-fighting" and "dirt destroying" while also becoming easier to use and "guaranteed fast-acting." Though I will always be baffled as to why lemon is the go-to scent for anything clean.

Charlie Brown's Christmas Conundrum

Ah, the off-key singing of a chorus of children; the voice-over that doesn't always exactly match the animation; the tiny piano, stand-up bass, and guitar (that Snoopy hardly even plays) that's somehow meant to stand in for Vince Guaraldi's entire orchestra; it must be The Charlie Brown Christmas Special, the yearly show whose aim is to attack the commercialism of the season and put the "Christ" back in "Christmas".

There is an obvious flaw, however, with the special's aim: it has, itself, become a major part of the commercialism of the Christmas season. Indeed, on the Christmas tree currently in my eye line, there are Linus and Lucy ornaments depicting the characters as they appear in the special's musical finale, and that is merely the tip of the massive iceberg that is the Charlie Brown empire, which continues to get a yearly boost from the Christmas Special, which, again, argues against just such a commercial focus on Christmas.

However, I still buy the Special itself as sincere. Linus's slightly lisped, spotlighted (who's running the spotlight?), bible verse speech manages to still be (at least, somewhat) moving decades after it first aired, I still like it when Charlie Brown's sincere, puny little tree is made stronger by the power of love and togetherness (maybe that's what's happening anyway) and I always feel a little charge when Charlie Brown returns to find his friends together and the tree's now beautiful and he gets to have one good, happy moment at last.

But, all warm and fuzzy feelings aside, one can't escape the fact that the Special is attempting to bring religion to the forefront of Christmas celebrating, while we all ignore that and just focus on toys and gifts and decorating and cooking and sales and wrapping and television and movies and everything else, some of which is being sold as connected to the Charlie Brown Christmas Special.

So, while I can't fault the Charlie Brown Special for what's been down with it and to it, it is always interesting to point out our inherent hypocrisy and greed.

10 Years of Stuff #3: Music.... No, Really

While this decade has had the expected amount of financially successful, mass-produced bland (often blond) popstars, and while Karaoke Idol continues to be a perennial television hit, the last ten years have nonetheless managed to produce some genuinely great and original music.

The Strokes began 2001 leading the way for a "rebirth of rock," with their hard, guitar-heavy short songs that were a clear throwback to the rock hits of previous decades. Though both The Strokes and most of these bands eventually went the way of their predecessors, bands like Kings of Leon, Silversun Pickups, and Kaiser Chiefs continue to bring forth the blunt, unapologetic hard rock sound and kick ass doing it.

Meanwhile, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, having outlasted The Strokes, are still pulling off their original, "we can get away with anything" sound that has somehow gotten their most recent hit, "Heads Will Roll," wide stream fame, and they're not the only ones who have turned originality into success in this decade.

The Killers came out with a sound so unique, critics tried coming up with new names for it (none of which stuck); Panic! At the Disco's album Fever to Tell specifically defied nearly every convention modern rock has given us (verse-chorus-bridge, who needs it?); and Vampire Weekend decided what modern rock needed was more reggae and island sounds.

The Rap/ Hip-Hop world has also provided us with new sounds to mingle in with the old. Kanye West (yes, I'm praising Kanye West) and Akon brought the robotic auto-tune to the mainstream, which then quickly suffered from overuse. But, smaller acts like Chromeo keep it fresh and original while the slow rhymes of Kid Cudi give us someone to point at and say, "See, there's still new things to do in rap!" And then there's the raw voice of Lil Wayne that takes us back to a more simple, but still awesome rap style ("Prom Queen" is a great song!).

Standing atop the music scene in the past ten years (and deserving to be there) is Beyonce. She exists as the perfect bridge between the rap/hip-hop world and that of mainstream pop music, with a success that transcends both. She has the large, dance/ performance heavy shows to equal Britney Spears, but the fact that she can (and does) sing amazingly well raises her to another level entirely. She has somehow managed to do what almost no one else has (including J.T.), stretch out from her singer background to conquer other fields, but still be successful as a singer.

Basically, she's everything J. Lo. and Britney wish they were.

10 Years of Stuff #2: We Can Say Whatever the Frack We Want!

Remember when "blog" still needed to be explained as an abbreviation for "web-log"? Remember when "tweet" was just the sound a bird made? Remember when Webster's Dictionary added Stephen Colbert's original catchword, "truthiness"?

As we progress into new and undiscovered technologies, the addition of new words to the English language has become a necessity. However, we've gone well beyond just words we needed to add, and started throwing whatever we felt like into the English language like it's a stew cooked by madmen, comprised of any old crap we find laying around.

Now, I was an English major and I have a Master's in English, so one would assume that I might have a problem with this free form approach to language, but I actually really enjoy the freedom it provides. I mean, "preggers" has now become a commonly used synonym for "pregnant" (I don't know why, it takes just as long to say and sounds ridiculous, but whatever), because gossip columnists started saying it and printing it in tabloids.

And remember that the English language isn't viewed like other languages. We're not the French, we don't have an English Academy locked away in some stuffy classroom voting on what should or should not be spoken by truly literate, pretentious people. Granted, we do have the aforementioned Webster's Dictionary, but Webster's includes slang and is constantly updating in order to keep up with commonly used words and phrases.

So the closest thing we have to a definitive guide on the English language adapts with us instead of forcing us to adhere to its rules and guidelines. The means that the people cited as being supposedly in charge of our language aren't really in charge, WE ARE!! We're literally making this shit up as we go along!

Hell, even grammar rules are changing from what I was taught. You know you can now correctly begin a sentence with "and" or "but"? One might be tempted to ask "Why?", but the answer is "Why the hell not? People were already doing it anyway, might as well go with the flow."

Ah, to be alive in a time when, if I get stuck writing because the word I want doesn't exist, I can do just as Billy Shakespeare himself did, and make the frackin' thing up.

(P.S.- "Frack" is what they used instead of "fuck" on Battlestar Galactica. Yes I'm a geek, but I admit it.)

10 Years of Stuff: The Roger and Rafa Rivalry

So, we're about to come to the end of the decade without a name (the double aughts? the 00's? whatever), and everyone is making lists of the songs and bands and films and television and websites and everything else in the last ten years that have meant something to them for whatever reason. Well, I have joined the throng and am now making a list of ten things about the last decade that I have decided (on the spur of the moment and with little forethought) has struck me as interesting, cool, memorable, important, or just needed to get out there. Don't take anything too seriously with this list (as you shouldn't of any such list), and remember that this is just my babbling and there's no guarantee that I'll even come up with ten things.

To start then, modern tennis's greatest rivalry. Great rivalries always make a game more interesting. America's girl-next-door tennis champion Chris Evert had her polar opposite in lesbian, Russian Martina Navratilova; the reserved, big forehand, big server Pete Sampras had the mulletted rebel and brilliant returner Andre Agassi; and Roger Federer has Rafael Nadal.

At first, Federer's greatest enemy was himself. Suffering under the weight of heavy expectation, the Swiss finally had what was assumed to be his big breakthrough when he defeated "Pistol" Pete Sampras in what would be Sampras' final US Open match. Even then, however, Roger found he couldn't live up to his new assumed position as tennis's future great until he won his first Grand Slam title at Wimbledon.

The "Fed Express" really started the next season, when Federer began the dominance that would last four years, capturing eleven more Slam titles and holding onto the World Number One rank for a record setting 237 consecutive weeks. However, it takes a great challenge to make a champion greater, and without one, Federer started to look somewhat complacent.

He would appear bored in his early round matches, he never seemed to get too pumped up or excited about any of his staggering accomplishments, and I even recall his girlfriend Mirka being caught on live television confirming a reservation very soon after Roger had defeated Andy Roddick for one of his US Open titles.

Federer's brilliant, beautiful game became stagnant. He had stopped serving and volleying or doing anything too aggressive in his play. He didn't like to use his unbelievable dropshot as he felt it messed with the rhythm of play, and he mostly just stayed back, ran his opponents around, and might sometimes finish them off with a backhand or forehand angle that would make even Andre Agassi stare in disbelief.

Then he encountered the King of Clay. Rafael Nadal came out of nowhere to capture a French Open title in his first ever attempt! The speed of Nadal's progression from natural clay courter to great all around player shocked the entire world; except for Nadal himself who had always dreamed of winning Wimbledon despite the lack of success most clay courters had had on England's grass since Bjorn Borg.

When Nadal actually managed to beat Federer on tennis's greatest stage (and Federer's best surface), it sparked discussions on not only the end of King Roger's reign, but the start of Nadal's.

And what more perfect rival for Federer could there be than Nadal? The stoic Swiss maestro who never likes opponents to see him sweat and the energetic Spanish bull who seems to run forever. Federer, who used to love wearing opponents down, shocking them with beautiful play, now had to face someone who had no fear of him, ran down every point like his life depended on it, and added so much backspin his shots seemed to defy the laws of physics.

But just when Federer seemed over and done, he changed his game. Though he had been as loath to morph into a more aggressive player as Ted Williams had been to change his swing when teams started "the Ted Williams shift" (they would all go closer to right field, where Ted preferred to hit it, and he kept hitting it to right field), Roger was now the aggressor, trying to match Nadal's exhausting defense with offensive shots that couldn't be returned.

And his fire returned. We all started to see almost as much celebrating and reactions from Roger's side of the net as we usually did from Rafa's. He was driven to better his game, and the rest of the field followed. Newbies like Andy Murray, Novak Djokovic, Juan Martin del Potro, and even the former world number one Andy Roddick have made the effort to match Nadal and Federer's drive to greatness with their own.

Granted, Federer once again seems to have focus issues having finished his career slam with a French Open victory and finally beating out Sampras for most singles Slam titles ever for a man (Steffi Graf has 21, only six more to go, Roger); and now Nadal's physical and possibly mental health have become recurring stories in men's tennis. But, I have hope that these two will both recover and continue to push themselves (and thus the rest of the field), to consistent high levels of play.